Dear... whom does one write to when one has failed a student?

I suppose I'm not writing a letter at all, but an apology ... to Collin.

Collin, I know that you have long since moved on, but you were my student during the height of what I have come to call the Dark Years when we lost our way as educators. That year standardized testing became the priority; there was intense pressure to improve scores and we spent our time learning test taking strategies and formulaic responses that might garner higher scores.

The formula we taught was this: restatement of question + "for several reasons" + 2 examples from the text + a personal connection + closing statement if there's room but you've only got 5 lines so leave that out if you need to. Use coloured highlighters to make sure you've got each part. Print really small so you can fit more words in. We also taught formulaic genre writing.

In early spring you came to me with a book you had received from your grandfather entitled 100 Great Poems. You loved this book. Whenever your work was finished, it would appear. There was one poem in particular that you returned to many times:

If by Rudyard Kipling

You came to me one day and asked if we could learn more about poetry. I made a decision that I regret to this day. "I'm sorry Collin, we really don't have time. We must practice for the test." You see, that year we had many struggling learners. There had been anxious meetings between the administration, the learning resource team and teachers on how to prepare these students and not have the school end up in the crosshairs of the Ministry of Education. We took a systematic approach and after March break time was dedicated to practising for the test.

Instead of engaging in meaningful learning, I directed you to our Ministry agenda. I taught to the inane, meaningless, ridiculous test.

I felt sick to my stomach about doing this to a child who wished to learn.

It was the year I almost quit teaching.

What was the impact?

Our scores were acceptable - so remarkable, in fact, that the grade 7 teachers wondered how on earth those kids had earned them because the work they went on to produce in grade 7 was nowhere near their deemed level.

Students who were taught the formulas continued to rely on them and found that they didn't need to actually think or express their ideas in unique and original ways. We made them to be less than they could be.

I still feel the loss for the learning that could have happened. I’m sorry Collin that I made that decision. It was wrong of me.

Heidi Siwak